


Letters...

by y3ll0w_n1gh5



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-26 02:23:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16672951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/y3ll0w_n1gh5/pseuds/y3ll0w_n1gh5
Summary: Ren... I'm sorry......I miss you... I need you......I still love you.





	Letters...

On a cold February morning, as usual, Shinomiya with a paper in hand and the other a small bouquet of flowers, was heading to the place where he would be supposed to be, who at some point he could call "The love of his life".

Repeat routine with the same low look, arrive, pick up the withered bouquet that wasn't picked up and throw it in the trash can, touch the door very delicately. One, two, three knocks and a long silence. Let out a sigh and leans his weight on the knees, with his back to the wall, contemplating the cloudy sky while the memories passed through his head.

His breathing faded with the cool breeze, he lifted the scarf until could cover his mouth and squeezed it tightly. It still maintained the smell that he missed so much.  
The golden mane moved with the wind every time he lowered his head to look at that white paper, full of feelings.  
Adjusting his glasses, he gave it a quick reading again.

> >                                              February 12, 201X  
Hello Ren!

How are you? I know that in every letter I ask you the same thing but I really would like to know some news about you... You've been pretty quiet these past few days, right? I hope it's nothing bad.  
You know... I miss you so much. A lot, really, I miss feeling you by my side...  
I know I shouldn't tell you these things but, remember when we were together? I need your presence. The house feels quite lonely now that you don't return...  
It's been months since we broke. And they have been the worst I've ever been through. Your kisses, your hugs, your voice, your eyes looking at me, your smile every time you woke up, all those things I want to see again...  
I ruined everything, at the worst moment. Maybe now what a bad memory you will have of Christmas but seriously, I ask you a million apologies, I didn't want that to happen. I should have told you... But I was so afraid that you would look at me like a madman and lose all the love you felt for me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry... Forgive me please.

If only I had the courage, if only I had trusted more in myself... Maybe now we would still be dating.  
I didn't want to hurt you, nor make you see that... The worst fear I had, of you finding him at the end came true.  
I understand you, if I saw my boyfriend kissing with another boy, I would have reacted just like you. I tried to explain things but you were very upset. I don't blame you, it was normal in a situation like that...

I love you. And I know that everything I'm going to say isn't enough to make you feel something again. Could we be friends even if it is? I don't want to lose touch with you, Ren. You were my best friend, my boyfriend, and now my ex... But I want to continue by your side. Even if it's like an acquaintance, or a friend, but I want to be able to be something for you.

Really... Sat-chan and I, we're sorry. You have an image of us horrifying and now ... I know you're happy with someone else.

How is your relationship with the baron? I hope with total sincerity that everything is going well between the two of you. It was expected that one of you would take the initiative. In fact, every time you two were together, I could see you smile in a different way than you always showed. It's nice to see that you're finally happy. With me, you could tell that sometimes my hugs were suffocating, that you were bothered by my things and that it made you uncomfortable every time I took your hand in the street and shouted that you were the best boyfriend in the world... I'm so silly, right?

You know ... You could have told me and I would have left it, I never wanted to upset you or lower your dignity with my nonsense. But now you're with whom you love, now you're with another man, now you're with your other half.  
I would have liked to be that person ... But fate can sometimes be very unfair.

I... I don"t wanna cry anymore, I have to put up this, but I really loved you. You were and are one of the people I love most in this world. If something happens to you... It would scare me a lot.

Ren... Forgive me, please. Ignore my flowers, ignore the gifts if you want and even all the letters that should be boring you, but I would like one of these days you open the door and give me one last hug to close this cycle. To leave you, well, leave them alone... And pass to be your friend.

Camus... Is a good boyfriend to you. You always liked to annoy him and put him on nerves, I hope that now you can take his hand and tell him all those things that at one moment I could hear coming out of your lips. I like to see you smile like you did before, although inside it destroys me in a thousand pieces.

I'm deceiving myself repeating again and again that maybe it's something temporary and your anger will go away and you will be with me again, but I'm weak when I have to lie to my heart and I can only remember how by accident I saw through the window how you two were kissing...  
I was so happy for you, finally you came out of that aura of negativity that surrounded you, someone illuminated your path. But, it also made me feel like something were burying a knife in my chest and pulling out all hope I had left.

In two days it will be your birthday, right? Heh, first time I can't celebrate as I always did... I'll give you a gift although you may not even see it, because even my flowers you're not taking...  
I bought some roses, the same ones you gave me when you declared your love to me in front of everyone. I'm still stuck with that gentle look you had, those promises of making us happy until our last days... I wish we could have fulfilled them.

I hope the Baron will greet you as you deserve, enjoy that day, I want you to just be as happy as you can and I will be too, even if I'm not by your side.

I'm satisfied and grateful for the beautiful years we spent together. Thank you for showing me such a beautiful world. Thank you for having been the light of my nights and who took care of any problem.

I'm sorry... And I hope you can live the rest of your years with your couple, that everything goes well and you don't go again through something as bad as what I caused you.

I'll stop crying, I'll stop causing you problems, but still having small things of you at home makes me see how the tears fall for my cheeks. Those few times you opened the door, you looked at me, and you closed again, maybe for you they were unpleasant, but for me it was an inner peace. Because at least I saw you.

Thanks for everything, Jinguji Ren. Thank you for being my companion, who gave me his heart and I only wish you to live happily. I know I repeated this several times but that is how all the good things you have done must be. You're an angel that didn't deserve to go through for so much.  
I deserve many punishments, I made you cry of anger and confusion when I explained about my other self, I made you many times embarrass and more things that aren't worth commenting. But, I'm also so happy to have been one of those who helped open your heart.

With this I say goodbye, but I wish you a Happy Birthday and Valentine in advance and please... Be happy with Camus. May he be the one to give you everything I gave you and even more things.

I love you... And I'll continue to love you no matter what happens  
                                                  Shinomiya Natsuki. < <

And like every day, he passed the letter under the front door waiting to be read. He kept there for a moment waiting to listen for some noise until finally left.  
Although, no matter how many letters he wrote, and with more and more repentance, The letters are never going to be answered ...  
Natsuki didn't know it, but Ren moved to other place weeks ago.


End file.
